Sucking through a cracked straw

A list of new things I've tried out recently:
1) Dance Dance Revolution
2) Aiushtha, The Enchantress
3) Actual solid maths revision


There is apparently an underpass from Ghim Moh to Buona Vista.

My euphoria with regards to the last debate session has dimmed somewhat. It was good to just be there one last time, and Cluedo was fun especially since none of us had to hold each other at arm's length...

But maybe it's a one-session sort of affair though... That would not be the most heartening ending... Another CCA where i sucked at my job? Surprising that I could do so badly in such different areas of work. It is all regretful. Bonds. Ambition.

A part of me feels like I'd like to be remembered well there. F2-011 has been such a comforting place for the past two years.. All the things learnt, all the warmth of friendship and all the lame jokes and all the food wrappings... Wish it didn't have to fall apart at the end... But such thoughts are poison.

People need people. It's no use trying to ignore it. But as far as I can see, the more you need someone, the harder it is to be next to them. It's very irritating. The confidence I try to pick and gather each day fails me each time I get a chance to be someone to a someone. Still. It is an improvement from before. I can still study..Hurrah..

There's probably something that needs fixing if you find yourself suddenly wishing that it was still 2004. Look forward, live in the moment and all that jazz is a hard mantra to live by.

Comment spammers suck.

My writing is extremely sporadic. This does not bode well since I plan to increase my viewership to about 10,000 readers a day.

And it appears that my bid to create a self-pity parody is failing. What to do. What to do. Perhaps I shall learn Photoshop and paint my blog pink...Or maybe startling social commentary... Or pictures of naked people...

Or maybe this could be the first ever DOTA-log? The symbolic crown of loserificity.

In a perfect world, you are writing about me.

U.C. vs A.C.

Only watched a couple of Gundam U.C. shows,but compared to A.C. (entertaining, it is undeniable), it seems to have a more earthy, realistic feel. U.C. seems to hold more truely to the Gundam themes of politics and war.. A.C. stuff is visually impressive and animated well and has reasonably good drama and plot, yet it feels as if series like Seed and Wing have become character obsessed more than anything..

Take for example Mwu La Flagga. The Hotshot playboy mobile armor pilot gets killed in the final few episodes of Seed defending the Archangel. A commendable ending, and yet the creators decided that he was too popular with the fans to die. Same with Dearka. The only reason the creators made him switched sides was because his character wasn't cool enough, which led to a decline in Buster Gundam model sales..

I'm not trying to be a critic or anything, as I haven't watched much U.C. other than Gundam 0083, but it seems Gundam A.C. is more interested in selling it's characters and riding on interpersonal dramatics to succeed, rather than just telling a story which U.C. seems to have done better.

In anime, there's almost always going to be an obvious good guy and an obvious bad guy, or a 'never give up' character or a supercool poser type of character... I wonder if kids who are into anime these days pick up on these patterns of behavior and the ideals that these shows try to portray, and I worry if they fully break out of it, out of ideals and ideas that they can mimic or superficially understand, but can't truly know because their never in such a situation, because it's really a subtle, illusive reality..

I guess i'd seem worried about a relatively clear issue of media illiteracy, but it's more myself that I wonder about, if maybe I am to some extent subconsciously trapped by such ideas about life, whether they are 'good' or not. Because blind emulation is not healthy.. do I have any reliable ideals to go by? And which of these can I lay claim to? I have felt most shifty as of late.

If a good deed is done, then why was it done? Conditioning, Subtle or overt self-interest, Conscious Altruism, Innate Goodness? Is it any less good if it is a conditioned act or a conscious one? Can the level of goodness be determined by the depths to which one has considered his motivations and principles?

And if, in front of you, something 'good' can be done, but you sense, at the edges of your consciousness, your own self-interest egging you on, do you do it without wondering if God is frowning on you? Does it lead to no good end if your motivations are divided and impure, or is the sad ending attained by a series of actions increasingly driven by self-interest? Do you do that 'good' deed without deliberating about whether your self-interest blinds you to the right course of action, and sometimes wait till you don't feel you are blinded, by which time the chance to act has passed? Or maybe, that you are selling your soul unknowingly by acting in self-righteous self-interest?

At this point in time, one key belief I have about the idea of loving someone, be it family, friends, or a special somebody, is that what you do for that person has no 'you' in mind.. It's done entirely in the interests of seeing that person happy and safe.. But what does that mean? Conscious denial of the self, or does it come naturally, unthinkingly? Is there such a thing as an unthinking, natural act of selflessness that doesn't stem from conditioning of some sort? Man is not perfect, so his love is not perfect either?

Three hundred and sixty one degrees of floating eyeballs, feather like movements and a meaningless agility makes a poor sum.

Wow. the first sentence of cryptic bullshit on my blog!

Zen In Black

Memo

RogueKnight- Power treads Nulls, Hand Of Midas to Mask of Death ->Satanic/ HoT+MoM
NA- Boots Nulls Perserverance --> Stygian, or Go Dagon or Guinsoo Combo

I think I'm going to stop posting on the forums...I'm creeping myself out and it's just not healthy..

Does anyone notice the numerous roles in which Robin Leong plays an arrogant jackass who contends for other guy's love interests? I've seen him do it before in Chase, then that Singapore Soccer Movie, and apparently he tried to woo the Police and Chief guy's wife when she was younger too.. Fitting niche though, he can put on a rather convincing blowhard voice..

I saw her again at Harbourfront's new Electronic store today...How could I have been so foolish? Damn self-manifested conformist pressures.. Hopefully cold hard cash will be enough to woo her back.. hope it's $280+ and not $329...

Hello again tomorrow's today

Woke up after all the NDP CIP stuff yesterday...The clock read 4:30pm.
Playing till 4 am might not have been the brightest idea...

The CIP thing was well worth it, and not just because it was announced that we might get up to about 11 hours of CIP at one shot. No, i think it was a combination of the water poisoning, the carnival weather, the gladiator battling, and the amazingly good catered food (continental B C B)

Cards and water poisoning with Adrian, Ahmad, Kader, and Mark was quite fun, but I don't think i'll be doing it again too soon.. Felt screwed up at the end of the day.

I met 3 lost children that day, and my friends met even more.. find it a bit odd that parents are not more careful when they know places like these can be so maze-like.. It's a slight blow to my confidence about my looks when I can make children run away screaming in fear by smiling at them.. Well on the bright side the kid ran away to his mom, who happened to be just a couple of meters away, so maybe my apparent lack of charm has served some purpose.

Fireworks were pretty good this year, or maybe I say that only since I haven't seen national day celebrations for about two years straight.. Oh prata was cheap and only slightly burnt too.

This must've been one of the most tiring experiences I've had in awhile, as I don't think I've ever felt this irritated and tired at the end of the day before.. Still, it might be good to engage in such events in the future..Good learning experience when there's all these different kinds of people, and all their different kinds of problems to solve on the fly.. Spontaneous problem solving is still a problem to me..

And Aaron Aziz...Is one really happening cool doode. Have a drink, have a kitkat, have a break, Onne Moore Timme...

And tuition is good again, though i didn't get to have my questions answered this time.. I've met two people I know now.. Lisa and Amy. Talk about coincidences.

And the news is good today, must remember to record it later..

Are you cerebrally unwilling?

Teachers in Britain are advocating the phasing out of terms such as failure, and ushering in new, more politically correct and emotionally encouraging terms such as 'deferred success'.

Welcome to a world where nobody's dumb anymore, just cerebrally unwilling!

Reminds me of another interesting euphemism..
You're not fat, just horizontally challenged ..

..
Sound of Slap.

This seems related to the issue of white lies that was raised yesterday..must remember to write about it in a bit..

Next DOTA Characters to play:
-Stealth Assassin/Venomancer
-Dragon Knight
-Death Prophet/Zeus

Oppwq

I feel glad to see myself sucking less and less during maths tuition... 1 week more to the maths mock...

Just finished watching yoda performing some very stylish moves on various sith lords etc... Yoda da man..

Many foibles make a flaw

Dance today sucked...bad. Every class was forced to dance in front of all the others.. A crappy dance combined with a crappy dancer and lack of practice.. The lesson to take away is likely: Work hard to avoid as much public humiliation as possible...

Subway managers are cheapskates..but the food smells so good..

Memo 04/08/05

DOTA Characters to play:

Mains

Soul Keeper- Dagon Burize Mom Lothars Blink Dagger Power Treads!
Nerubian Assassin- Guinsoo Dagon MKB Perseverence Battle Fury

Reserves

Treant Protector- Dagon MKB
Slayer- Afghanim Guinsoo

Experiments

Check. Venomancer- Lothars Burize Sobi! Power Treads!!
Zeus- Maelstrom Refresher
Death Prophet- Sobi! Guinsoo Afghanim Refresher
Check. Stealth Assassin- Mom!! Butterfly Dagon Sobi Mask!
Invoker- Guinsoo Lothars/Blink Dagger
Dragon Knight- Battle Fury MKB Guinsoo? Tarrasque

Two tests that I can't afford to fail, 8 chapters not covered, and 3 hr 30 mins left on the clock.. and I am blogging. Hmm.

Zen Neon, oh dainty damsel, so delectably dashing... Dumb dolt, deaf dullard was I who denied your affections.. Oh demure deity, oh delicate deirdre...

Got to remember to add to the present fund...
Mslow
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